Briefs
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Narration!
Two years ago, I built my sound booth with the intent of narrating my books. But given all the shadiness that is Audible and my struggles with writing, I decided to put audiobooks on the back burner.
It has been too long! So, this year, my goal was to give all of my books the audio treatment. I gave up my dream of narrating and picked out narrators, read lots of contracts, and negotiated with a distribution company (for an entire week!).
The problem with hiring a narrator after investing countless hours preparing to narrate my own book is that it’s impossible for them to handle the material the same way I would. I didn’t realize just how hard it would be to listen to someone else’s version.
This experience pushed me to get back into my booth.
For the last three weeks, I’ve been spending two hours every day in my booth. A lot of my time is just acclimating myself to how I sound talking into the mic. I’ve also been going through all of my many courses and books on the art of narration, which has made a drastic improvement in my breathing, pacing, and acting.
It’s so much fun!
Anyway, I snapped this picture yesterday after extending my Mac’s display to my iPad so I could read the tutorials on one screen and work on the other. I thought it would make for an interesting behind-the-scenes photo for those wanting to see what the booth looks like. :)
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Milestones!
Arachnomancer has officially surpassed 500 ratings on Amazon. It has been an adventure, one that has taught me many lessons. The next milestone is 1,000 ratings!
Thanks for reading and reviewing. :)
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My recent change to stop posting humorous micro-stories (on a slave master’s schedule; please don’t whip me) has allowed me to return to one of my favorite activities: studying!
Being a writer isn’t simply learning about grammar, story structure, and character arcs. The fundamental truth is you can’t write what you don’t know (and you don’t know what you don’t know).
If you don’t know what it was like in medieval times, what weapons they used, what their politics looked like, what they ate, and how they talked, you might find writing fantasy to be quite difficult.
Building believable worlds require you to understand a whole swath of topics. This is a never-ending pursuit.
When writing Bookworm to Badass, I studied Encyclopedia of Vampire Mythology and The Monsters Know What They’re Doing (absolutely fantastic for writers and tabletop roleplayers).
I have books on demons and witchcraft and psychology, all mythical things… I particularly love my visual encyclopedias for animals, plants, and resources.
I’ve attached a few pictures of my physical books. I have a lot more eBooks…
(Dammit! Looking up the title for The Monsters Know What They’re Doing, I found that he released two more books, and I just had to buy them. They are that awesome!)
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Making Changes
I didn’t post yesterday because it was a day of silence for all the people like me: loveless.
Joking… But I’m willing to take all the sympathy I can get.
No, I didn’t post because I hit a wall. A figurative wall. No bones were broken. I didn’t post because I realized just how much time and effort I was putting into making up humorous micro-stories.
My goal was to write something funny every day. I thought it would be good practice. But it quickly became something to stress over. Then, once I finished my micro-story, sitting all proud in my office chair, I felt like I accomplished something and was less motivated to do the actual thing needing doing: writing books.
I’ll return to making behind-the-scenes posts about what I am working on, playing, watching, and reading. Humor will only make an appearance if it’s feeling cute and playful.
See you tomorrow. :)
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I have decided to come clean. I am a big fat liar (or, honestly, a skinny-fat liar). Today is Valentine’s Day, and love is in the air. It might be a disease (see 2/11’s post), but everyone seems to like it nonetheless.
So how could I not take this opportunity to profess my deep affection? There is, in fact, a special someone in my life. Me. And the thoughtful me in this relationship got me a chocolate and caramel-covered apple with cute tiny hearts on it.
I feel so special. :)
“Ohhh, you shouldn’t have,” he says to himself. “I mean, you just bought five pounds of black licorice Allsorts. Where do you think all of this sugar is going?”
But in this case, there’s an apple somewhere beneath all of that chocolate. So, you know, it’s healthy! That’s how this works, right?
To celebrate this holiday, Octoralis—from my Arachnomancer series—has made you a card. Printed behind her paper cutout is a cute scribbling in arachling, the language of spiders. I’ll translate it for you.
“I love… how you taste.”
Umm, please take that within context. She’s not “that” type of spider… And with that, have a wonderful Valentine’s!
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Ladies and gentlemen, I’m proud to announce that this guy (me) officially owns a pair of glasses. I picked them up last Friday, and the world changed. This is my review.
Everyone knows what glasses do, so I won’t waste your time rehashing common knowledge. It’s the hidden truths of this not-so-secret society of four eyes that I find interesting.
Immediately upon donning the magical artifact of seeing, my intelligence increased. It’s now abundantly clear that the previous Dustin—which I do not associate with—was an idiot. But that’s for another post.
Did someone just call me sir? Why yes, yes they did. Previous Dustin might have assumed this was for appearing older, but I know it’s because I’m more distinguished.
Are those girls looking at me? Why yes, yes they are. But I now know they were always checking out this hot stuff, and I just couldn’t see them.
When it’s windy, guess who has windshields for their eyes. This guy.
Perhaps the most surprising benefit, however, is how effective glasses work as a disguise. This should be obvious. It worked for Clark Kent. On my daily walk, my neighbors whisper, “Who is that man?”
This would be more impressive had I ever introduced myself…
In any case, whether or not you need glasses, you NEED glasses. Just buy the frames and improve your life.
Five stars. Will buy again.
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In an effort to shirk my responsibilities, I have decided that I shall make no posts on the weekends! Muahaha!
What? This is a post?
Dammit!
Well, it’s a little post, so it doesn’t matter. ;)
I hope you have a fun-filled Sunday, Super Bowl, grocery-shopping day, or whatever else you’re planning to do (no kink shaming). See you tomorrow!
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Today is a wonderful day! It’s the day I receive five lovely pounds of delicious candy. New Year’s resolutions aside… my body thanks me.
You see, as a Boy Scout, I learned the value of being prepared. It’s literally the Scout’s Motto. And it just so happens that, in three days, a pandemic of lovesick chocolate monsters will take over.
Thankfully, I’ve dodged the disease. I was responsible and got my vaccine and three decades of boosters.
I am immune to the cooties!
So while everyone else will succumb to their primal desires and eat their weight in chocolate with their “special” someone, I’ll have my five pounds of black licorice, which just so happens to be the color of my heart.
It’s a good color.
Look, people, I can’t be falling in love. I have ambitions! So, be responsible and get vaccinated today. It’s up to us to stop this madness. Don’t hesitate, vaccinate.
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Over a decade ago, when I was in college, I had a ganglion cyst removed from my left wrist. This resulted in me wearing a brace for two or three months.
Well, I got sick of that brace and decided to remove it.
The next day, in my philosophy class, I grabbed a desk near the front (I was a studious overachiever), and, to my surprise, a cute girl sat next to me.
She tossed her red hair over a shoulder and smiled. I smiled back. Then her eyes traced down my body, sizing me up as her potential love interest (surely), and stopped at my wrist.
Her eyes widened, probably surprised to find the scar. But when I looked, I noticed something I hadn’t noticed before.
The hair, which had been shaved for the operation, had regrown… It was three times longer than normal.
This is where I’d like to deviate and rewrite what happened next.
The handsome Dustin winked and said in a sultry voice, “Ah, this? It was a full moon last night.” And since girls love shapeshifters—there’s an entire genre dedicated to it!—the two lived happily ever after. The end. :)
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Once every five years, something terrible happens: your driver’s license expires. If you’re one of those “responsible” people who does what they are supposed to when they are supposed to do it—AKA sheep—this is a mild inconvenience.
But I ain’t no sheep!
So… my license expired. Six weeks ago.
You can wallow in negativity or accept the legal lemons you’ve been given and make it a good thing. I didn’t “let” my license expire. I did so on purpose. Yeah!
This is my opportunity to reinvent myself, wear the cool-kid clothes for my 5-years-older picture, and present myself with the sort of confidence I rarely feel.
“Hello,” he says in a deep and smooth voice to the mirror, spoken slowly because people who talk slowly are confident. “I’m here… for a new license.” And now stare into their soul. No blinking.
I think I need a wig.
(Fine, if I’m going to be a sheep, I’m going to be cool. An elemental sheep! And give me earrings. Only cool people wear earrings.)
Wish me luck. :)
(Fool! Only boring non-elemental sheep need luck!)