Relaunching Arachnomancer

April Fools!

Relaunching Arachnomancer banner
By Dustin Tigner
Announcements
Too Long; Didn't Read

I am relaunching Arachnomancer without swearwords or anything negative that could offend prospective readers. Scroll down for the new cover!

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it has come to my attention that the swearwords in Arachnomancer’s title have offended the delicate sensibilities of would-be readers.

While the title was chosen to elicit humor and set the tone, I have now seen the folly of my ways. This, needless to say, also includes the crass compound noun Shit Brownies. May it forever RIP.

Henceforth, I am removing such foul language from the Arachnomancer series!

We’re going to Disney the fuck fudge out of this.

In my vast research on polite and proper swearing, I have found that fudge is the least offensive—and most delicious—of all substitutes. In order of offense, we have Fudge, Flip, Frick, Feck, and the kingpin of them all . . . F*ck.

(It’s so offensive, we have to give it a little chocolate starfish or risk blinding people.)

But why stop there?

Just as offensive as a well-placed naughty word, undoubtedly, are spiders.

I could regale you with tales of prospective readers who find every excuse to avoid the sweet whispers of fun and laughter found within the Arachnomancer pages simply because there are spiders.

Pray tell, how will I launch my multimillion-dollar Kickstarter campaign without these fine gentlepeople?

I’ll tell you how . . .

Yes, indeed, I have cracked the elusive conundrum of guaranteeing a place on the best sellers' list, which, as we all know, is precursory to Kickstarter stardom. The answer was quite simple: kitties.

You did not misread that!

Kitties have shown up in 90% of bestseller books, so what better thing to replace spiders with?

The new Arachnomancer cover, officially changed to be Kittymancer.

Disclaimer: No kitties were harmed in the making of this April Fools' Day post. I’ve been told a few times how much a Kittymancer book would make for a fun read. I’ll—seriously—add it to my list of book ideas or maybe write it out as a short story one of these days.

If you liked this post, check out last year’s joke: Arachnomancer is going HaremLit!

New to the series?

If you haven’t checked out Arachnomancer, now is a great time to do so! It’s full of comedy, awkward situations, fun adventure, and quirky characters. While it is a comedy, it tells a serious story full of serious consequences. Give it a try!

Wrong Divinity cover

Oh Sh*t! I F*cking Hate Spiders!

(Arachnomancer, Book 1)
$4.99 · 355 Pages · 92,330 Words
  • GameLit
  • Comedy
  • Isekai Fantasy
  • Spiders…
Stray Shadow cover

Oh Sh*t! Wrong Side of Heaven!

(Arachnomancer, Book 2)
$4.99 · 548 Pages · 134,751 Words
  • GameLit
  • Comedy
  • Isekai Fantasy
  • Adventure